This Leo Aquarius full Moon is happening in my 5th and 11th house. Both of which are ruled by the Sun and Uranus which are conjunct in my third house in Sagittarius. For those who speak astro, good day to start a blog no?
For those who don't speak only astro, I want to write a bit about why I'm actually starting this blog.
It's been a long time aspiration for me to share more. Everyday I find myself writing things down - jokes, stories, insights, and just lots of things. Most of it just stays in my journal or on my computer and recently that hasn't felt totally fulfilling to me. There is an urging from within to share more. So I created this blog as a designated space for me to share all that is within me. Or a lot of what is within me.
This is healthy for me, and I hope that this will be of benefit for others as well. A few weeks ago, around the time when I was really beginning to notice the need to share more, I shared this on facebook:
"Like when we have a crush on someone and we get all fluttery in the heart just as much as we feel all knotted up in the stomach. Like how we are simultaneously filled with euphoria and nausea - how the pressure of attraction only gets "worse" the more we think about it, the more we deliberate over it. Like how sometimes we just gotta ask them out on a date, write a letter - how we just gotta OPEN OUR HEARTS and get the energy out there. This is what I'm experiencing with my LIFE. I feel so much love, so much inspiration and its so uncomfortable! And yet this energy just needs to move. Each time I write a full moon or new moon teaching I feel AMAZING. The energy gets released and I feel better. It's like writing a love letter to my biggest crush ever. Ah, big relief. You are that person to me. The entire world is my crush and the more I open my heart to you, the more I realize how much I love you. More than anything I want to live from my heart.
I am hearing a big calling at this time to just LET FUCKING GO! A couple years ago I had a dream where I attended a rock concert. The band was singing a song with these lyrics: "Get out of your head, get out of your head and into your heart, and into my heart." So that's my song right now (maybe I'll sing it soon and post it!) - though I'm more interesting in living it than just singing it.
I get really tripped up with the "hows" and the "whats" (and the wheres and the whens). The truth is, I really don't know "how to" or "what to" I just know that I NEED TO. I'm sure there are books and videos and classes and concerts and poetry and home made chocolate and other things I can't even know right now that will come through my heart for the rest of my life. I care more about the present moment, that I am sharing the love that I am right now, more than figuring out "what" to share or "how" to share it. The mind truly doesn't know how to move forward from here. It's just gonna have tag along! The heart is driving now and, oh boy, I have no clue where its gonna take me. Also it's a new driver, so there may be some accidents and it might break the rules sometimes because it doesn't really know that there are any."
This has been a strong meditation for me over this past month. To just share. Each time I do I feel a bit more relaxed, more healthy, and really more human - more accessible, more connected, more whole.
I've posted some other things recently on facebook, including a video that professes my love for avocados. However facebook only reaches facebook. I need a blog that is Ari Moshe's place. Like having my own home. This blog feels like an intimate, homey enviroment that I get to invite you into. I like that - and it's not centralized towards a particular social media site which means it is accessible to anyone who wishes to follow.
What to expect
I can't say I know. We will find out together. I'll share lots of astrology things - of course. I'll also share the things that I love doing. I have a youtube channel that's got lots of my songs. As far as I'm concerned, there is not a difference between writing and singing, it's just different ways of putting the raw materials of life together to express truth. It's all love and all truth. It's like the difference between the sweetness of an orange and the beauty of a sunset. So I think I'll be sharing whatever I'm called to here.
I got lots of personal recipes too. I think if I share them I'll remember them and make yummy food more often.
I close this blog with another post I shared on facebook a few days after the one I posted above. This pretty much sums up where I'm at these days.
"Most of us have these places of inner shame and guilt that we are totally devastated to share with others. We are ashamed of some inner reality, embarrassed about ourselves and our situation. So we tend to overcompensate to portray the exact opposite reality of what is really going on - all the while pushing the emotions even further away.
This serves to eventually only manifest that which we were most afraid of. People find out the thing we didn't want them to know, circumstances unfold in exactly the way we didn't want it to happen. If the shock is more than we are willing to accept, we just deny everything even more. Life becomes just about defense and protection. It's like a clown trying to act like he's not wearing any makeup when clearly his face is smothered with powder and lipstick. That requires a lot of effort!
Often I hold the harsh attitude that if I can "figure it out" and solve my "issues" right now then everything will be fine and no one will ever even know; I wont be a burden to anyone and I will still be loved. Instead of embracing my emotions, I try to solve and get rid of a "problem" - the reality of which was only born from the denial of my emotions in the first place.
I find myself at what feels like a very real and sacred impasse - where the effort I put forth to hide my shame is just becoming a true hindrance to enjoying a full life, from living my purpose. The effort I put forth to "fix" everything before anyone finds out - so that no matter what happens I wont have to ask for what I truly need has been creating depletion. Hiding my embarrassment and protecting myself from my actual reality only makes me feel more alone.
I don't have answers for myself - seeking them has just been leading me to such exhaustion. I acknowledge in this moment that there are truly no answers to be sought. I rededicate myself to embrace my emotion with so much love and self compassion, to allow myself to be real with my community. I am learning to let the heart lead the way.
I am here now to express the truth of my being, not the story I wished was true and want others to believe. I embrace the love of my family and community all over the place who only wants to love me for who I am, ALL OF ME. Thank you for loving me as I am. Thank you for loving me when I don't feel worthy or deserving."